#9 - 09 Challenge

9 Challenge. Something that really made you grow this year. That made you go to your edge and then some. What made it the best challenge of the year for you?

The challenge of finding myself as an artist was my biggest challenge of 2009 year. It came to light with my decision to take the journey through The Artist's Way.

What is an artist?
How am I an artists?
Do I want to be an artist?

I was able to find a definition of an artist that is inclusive.  Where as my previous definition was quite exclusive. It was very much one of those knee jerk reactions that needed to be thought through. For example when asked, what does an artist do? My knee jerk response would have been, paint. Paint, in my mind would have included any liquid medium, :) see how inclusive I am? lol Then as second thoughts I might have added sculpt or carve.  And then maybe I would think, write as in poetry and "oh yeah" stories.  Such a limited list.

As inclusive as I might have thought I was prior to this exercise, this was the year that I learned to question my knee jerk responses. My experience with TAW coincided with allowing myself to listen more to my community, the peer group I have chosen. I chose to think again. I still follow my initial impulses often but when it comes to my family and others I have learned to stop and step back and evaluate why I am feeling that way.

What I learned was that YES, I am an artist. And as a creative being my art does not look like that of anyone else.  It takes different forms at different times. It is personal and not produced for public consumption but for personal pleasure.  There are times that it spills over into the public domain in tangible forms of gifts and food, at other times it is all in my head. I found that I valued the tangible forms more because there is a product at the end that shows effort has been made.

Did I want to be an artist?  Yes. I want my dream of being an artist.  Of emerging myself in my current work in whatever form it might take. Textile, earth based, or all in my mind.

In typing this out today, March 19, 2010 I am having an old fantasy (circa mid 1990's).  The fantasy The dream The vision of sitting on the beach while the kids go about their water adventures and I solve problems via a laptop and a cell phone. A version of this dream world manifested itself often in 2010.  I often worked outside at a beach or park.  Writing, drawing, painting. In the writing of this post a shift has occurred and our net-book will be coming home and I will see how it works into our time at the beach and at the park.

New beginnings remain a challenge but one I am learning to embrace.